Please note: The below is satire. We are not really making these changes!
———————————–
We at Zephyr Adventures have been in business for 25 years and have recognized we are perhaps not ultra modern when it comes to our customer service policies. Therefore, we will be following suit with travel industry trends and making the following updates to our policies, all designed to provide you with a better experience on our tours!
- Luggage: We recognize some people on our tours pack light and others bring huge suitcases. To better reflect your needs and your budget, you may take one personal item such as a backpack with you free of charge. Any additional luggage will incur a baggage fee starting at $50 per bag.
- Reserve Your Seat: Our support vans are a crucial component of our tours. Some of our travelers use the van daily while others prefer to bike, hike, or skate without support. For those of you who are frequent shuttlers, we want to give you the option to reserve your seat in advance. For a small fee (depends on the seat location), you can reserve a seat in the van whenever you need it. Those not reserving a seat will be accommodated on a space available basis.
- Non-Transferrable Deposits: Our $500 trip deposit is no longer transferrable to any future adventure, no matter how far in advance you book. However, we will soon be coming out with Plus fares that allow you to transfer your deposit for an additional fee.
- Customer Service: If you’d like to talk to one of our staff members by phone, you’ll be subjected to a mandatory one-hour hold but will enjoy loud music that will randomly cut in and out while you wait.
- Snacks: Snacks are no longer included on our tours. You may purchase our infamous “GORP” for $5.00 per bag, limit two per customer. No outside food will be allowed.
- Liquids: We will now only allow liquids in a quart-size, clear plastic, zip-top bag with 3 oz containers. It must be removed and checked upon entering the van.
- Additional Gas Charges: The support van will start with a full tank of gas at the beginning of each tour. Each person will be charged a pro rata share of the gas used by tour’s end, with a convenient fee of $7.89 per gallon to compensate our guides for having to fill up the tank.
Sounds ridiculous, right? Don’t worry, Zephyr will, of course, not be enacting any of these new policies. Even though it seems like everyone else in the travel industry is doubling down on making it harder and more expensive to travel, we’re continuing to offer the same flexible policies we’ve had since we opened.
As a small business, we try to remain as flexible as we can in our travel policies. We want our travelers to have the peace of mind that they will be taken care of without being nickeled and dimed.
Ready to become a Zephyr traveler? Join us on one of our upcoming adventures!
Sounded a little too believable!
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Keep up the good work. Your emails are often making me salivate. As soon as I can afford one of your adventures you can bet I’ll be there.